Hire Me, I'm Great! (But my opinions may be offensive)

I am in the process of looking for a legitimate job. What does this mean to you? Nothing. What does this mean to the masses? Private profile baby.

Prospective employers are frequently searching Google, Myspace, YouTube, the Net in general for provocative information on their future employees. I find this incredibly amoral.

My personal life and opinions have very little to do with the mad skills I possess or my stellar work ethic and I will not be judged so.

This subject matter brings up a topic worthy of blogging and debate. Does one's personal life affect their ability to serve as a good employee? Does the fact that I perhaps harbor ill will regarding my government, spouse or child at any given time alter my employability?

Example:

Does the religious denomination of a potential presidential candidate have any bearing on his ability to be the leader of the free nation? If said candidate is married with children will that make them a better leader. What if they have had numerous extramarital affairs? Is that grounds for immediate disqualification?

Anyway, wish me luck in the job hunt. Or, if you would like to save me from all the pain and anguish I can arrange for a monthly deduction from your checking/savings account in the amount of $20, or you could send cash/money order. I also accept Paypal. That would be great.

Below Average

Apparently, I am not as smart as I think you am. I have recently acquired a taste for online jigsaw puzzles. Why? Who knows. The reasons are many. I don't lose pieces due to toddler/dog/cat/pooka. I don't have boxes upon boxes of puzzles to sell at my yearly garage sale. I don't actually have to admit to anyone that I like to do jigsaw puzzles. Ya know, all the regular stuff.

Any who, my penchant for puzzles was acquired as a tool to be used for brain building activity as I am mostly the creative, literary type and not so much the logical mathematics type. I thought the fitting together of tiny bits of cardboard, oddly misshapen would help me out with that.

As I have come to find out thanks to this place, I am slightly below average in completing my puzzles. I always fall one to two minutes behind the "average" time it takes for everyone else in the universe to complete the damn things. And who are these people completing the puzzles in under two minutes. I don't even have my pieces sorted in that amount of time.

Since I am uber selective in the acquiring of bloggy friends, and only choose the bestes of the bestes and the smartest of all peeps. Tell me, is there a trick to completing puzzles quickly?

I'm Getting Too Old to Go to the Movies

Tonight, we flocked with the masses to see Pirates of the Caribbean, third installment. I happen to love these movies, which stems from an early childhood fascination with the ride at Disneyland. The movie was about 55 minutes too long, but that aside, I was never bored.

Although never bored, I was made painfully aware of my journey into becoming a grumpy old woman. Sitting behind us were two, oh, let's say 12 year olds. Sitting in front of us were two, I will garner a guess, 10 year olds. Neither party with parental supervision. The 12 year olds I could understand, the 10 year olds, I was a little perplexed.

Before the feature had even begun I knew the two sitting behind us were going to be a problem what with their incessant giggling and voracious gum smacking. They even played a round of who can pop their gum the loudest, which I endured until well into the previews. 10 minutes into the movie, another round of gum popping and I had to get up to get the manager, who removed the offending gum smackers from the movie. Ahh, a sigh of relief.

I sat back to enjoy the movie and popcorn which had set us back about 40 bucks (two people, two drinks, one popcorn) when I noticed the kids in front of us had a video camera. They were recording the film. I was actually quite surprised at this since first, they were girls and second they were TEN!

I couldn't see these two girls pirating a movie (about pirates, ha ha) for distribution over the Net, at least not at their own prodding. The best I can imagine is they wanted to look at Orlando Bloom one more time before drifting off to sleep later that evening.

I took it upon myself to lean forward and whisper to the girl that what she was doing is a felony and she could indeed be ruining her life for a few stolen moments with Mr. Bloom and Mr. Depp. Do you know what she said to me?

"Fuck off bitch, your ruining the sound."

Once again, I was off to the manager who removed these offending girls. I have to wonder what will happen to them. A slap on the wrist? Do you think charges will be filed against them? Who knows.

All I know is this. The world ain't what it used to be, many odd years ago. Now I am going to go make sure my burial plot and will are up to date. I can't believe I am getting to be such an old fuddy duddy.

10 Giant Steps to a Simpler Life

10 Giant Steps to a Simpler Life

-Get the book, Your Money or Your Life. Read it, and you have made the best possible start on your way to a simpler, more satisfying life.
-Make this old New England proverb your motto: "Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without." As a wartime slogan, it helped Americans win World War II.

-Try consuming or using half as much of as many things as you can. Start with shampoo, detergent and toothpaste, then get creative and see how many others you can come up with. Half as much is sometimes twice as good (eating, for example), and always twice as thrifty.

-Things you never need to buy again: freezer bags (use the plastic bags inside cereal boxes), things you can get for free or free alternatives, such as matches, paper towels, calendars, note paper, drawing paper for the kids, padded envelopes, bottled water...think of others, and put them on your list of "never-buy-agains."

-Sell your TV and use the time you free up (49 hours a week for the average American!) for frugal endeavors.

-Move somewhere with a lower cost of living. The highest and lowest-cost areas vary by 95%, but salaries for most jobs rarely fluctuate more than 25%. Example: moving from Los Angeles to Atlanta would result in a 50% drop in the cost of living with about 13% drop in earnings.

-Barter for goods and services. See if there is an organized system for this in your area.

-If you haven't already got them, consider not having your own children. Not reproducing is the best way to dramatically reduce your consumption, expenses and personal impact on the planet's resources.

-Complete all nine steps from Your Money or Your Life. Do them all, in order, and you will almost certainly be guaranteed success in adopting a simpler—and more fulfilling--lifestyle.

-Share your resources and results with people you care about, and multiply the good effects on the planet that will come from your new way of living.

Next blog I will ask you to become a full feldged member of my cult. Boo ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Girls in the Toilet

An account of bathroom behavior at my place of employment:

1. Girl talking on cell phone in handicapped stall, shushing person on the the other end of the line whispering "hold on, someone just walked in."

2. Girl setting out on the counter one paper towel, one container dental floss, one travel size toothpaste, one toothbrush and a breath mint. Not sugar free.

3. Girl coming out of bathroom stall pants not pulled all the way up

4. Girl waiting until someone washes their hands before she pees

5. Girl washing hands, wiping down counter, using towel to open door

6. Girl farting and then clearing her throat as if to cover it up

7. Notice on bathroom mirror: If you mess up the toilet seat, please have the courtesy to clean it.

8. There are five stalls in the bathroom. I am using the second one. There is no one else is the room. The next person that comes in, uses the stall directly next to mine.

9. Girl with shirt off, washing said shirt in the sink

10. Girl coming out of bathroom with two rolls of toilet paper.

Odd behavior indeed.



Do guys ever see these things

Take Your Private and Shove It Up Your Arse!

No, I am not Scottish, for some reason I thought I may offend by putting the word "Ass" in my subject line. But we're in the blog now baby, so fuck all that nicey, nicey crap.

Listen, I blog tonight for one reason and one reason only. To tell you how frickin' tired I am of the whole "Private Profile" thing. For the love of (insert random celebrity name here) just let me see your darn profile without having to be your friend. DON'T YOU KNOW I AM TRYING TO STALK YOU? Or at least steal all your really good one liner's and poetry.

Be open, be free, allow the world into your happy, little place.

10 Things

10 random facts/habits/ whatever about Jayne:

1) Despite being an overbearing, loudmouth know-it-all, educated, professional woman, I am, in actuality very old fashioned. I believe in family, taking care of my husband and children and would be extremely happy being Holly Homemaker.

2) Girly things make me happy. Make-up, shoes, clothes, pretty hair, the whole she-bang.

3) I was the only girl in my neighborhood growing up. This led to my ability to capture snakes, scorpions and lizards. Decidedly un-girly. My mother also refused to buy me a dirt bike which led to jumping a wide handled-banana seat bike off ramps and broken bones.

4) Major life events and exciting things for me take place on the 1st of the month. I was born on the 1st, married on the 1st, conceived my first child on the 1st, will most likely die on the 1st.

5) I am addicted to lip stuff. Chapstick, lipgoss, lipstick. You will never see me without some type of shimmery lip. It almost goes beyond addiction and into obsession.

6) No matter what my monetary situation, I get a pedicure once a week. I also bite my nails, which means I have to get fake ones every two weeks.

7) I own more than 75 workout tapes, a Total Gym, a treadmill, multiple hand weights, yoga mat, stability ball and tension bands, TIVO Fit channel shows, yet I eat fast food everyday.

8) I love the changing of the seasons. The first days of spring, when the air smells fresh, the first warm days of summer by the pool, the first cool days of fall, crisp air and color changes, the first days of winter and the first snowfall. I reflect with each season change and get a sense of purpose.

9) Reno, Nevada will always be the most perfect place in the world to be.

10) I am very empathetic but not sympathetic.