Retarded, Challenged, Whatever

My husband (Lawn Boy) and I are not suffering from infertility, rather, we are fertility retarded, or if you want to be PC, challenged. The fact is, we are riding the short bus down the embryo highway. We already have one chitlin, is that enough? Maybe we should just focus all of our attention on making her the most awesomest human ever. Is it politically incorrect to hang out around the door of the abortion clinic and try to convince people to go through with their pregnancy and give the kid to me? I know, there is a fine line between charitable and psychotic. I actually really think that Lawn Boy's little swimmers are the ones that are retarded, because I am practically perfect in every way, my half of the equation is golden. No, literally, if you put them under a microscope they are 14K. I should send those little bastards into the place that gives you cash for gold.

No More Drama

I have to say. I am over the drama. People, just stop, really. Live your life, be happy, get over it.

If, Wen, and Y

Have you seen the infomercial for Wen hair care products? If you haven't, it is supposedly this really great alternative hair care program that Melissa Gilbert touts as super awesome. Notice I did not put quotes around that because she didn't actually say those words, just something like it. I was thinking, really, isn't the product just really like a conditioner? So I decided, in the interest of science, to expierment this week by using conditioner only on my hair. No lathery shampoo, just super moisturizing strength conditioner. Hopefully, my hair will become the silky, beautiful mane I hope to have and not the oily, greasy mop that I hypothesis.

An Original Thought

If you peruse the Internet long enough, you will eventually find that there is no such thing as an original thought. Somewhere, someone, is thinking the exact same thing as you. True story.

It Weighs Heavily...

The laptop was on the floor to my right.  I bent down to pick it up and realized that my belly fat was making it very hard to do so.  When did I get so fat? It has been so gradual I didn't even notice.  Now what? Make a goal, lose some weight.  It sounds so simple.  Eat less, exercise more.  When do I start? Tomorrow? Monday? Oh, the ever occuring Monday.  I'll do it Monday.  That gives me the whole weekend to eat.  Eat at Chili's, YUM. I can also sit on my butt and not think about exercise. For a whole weekend.  Then comes Monday.  I guess I'll start then.

The Road to Simplicity

Today, I thought about ways to simplify my life.  I came up with 101 fantastic ideas. Problem is, I would need to leave my husband and the kid.  How is it that root of all things complicated begin with the two of them? Don't judge, you know you feel the same way.

Nice to Meet You

Hello, I'm Jayne. Nice to meet you. I like to read the blogs of stay at home mom's whose lives are so much more different than mine. The moms that seem so perfect, that fit into society like little round pegs. I like to roll around and find a comfortable warm place in their craftiness and recipe sharing, wrapped up their portrayals of their perfect little lives.It's one of my favorite pastimes. I am also working on my grace. It's very hard for me to be nice. I say things I shouldn't and am quite crass sometimes. I don't apologize for it, just keepin' it real.