Just Do It My Way, Everything Will Be Fine

First birthday, first day of school, sweet sixteen, high school graduation, college graduation, engagement, wedding, all milestone moments. Days that people will say, “This is the most important day of your life!” I have never looked at any one day as being more important than any other. There is a pattern to life that we all follow and for the most part, we will all have moments that meet at least a few of the aforementioned criteria. For me, the most important day of my life was the day my daughter was born. I was responsible for creating an actual human. Surreal.
I am six years into this motherhood thing. Still trying to work out exactly what it’s all about. What exactly is my role as “Mom”? Sure, I understand, love, protect, teach. I am raising a future citizen of humanity after all. Becoming part of the Mom Club initiated me into something that I had no idea existed pre-conception. The Alpha Woman Society. The A-list mom. Superwoman. Women who work full time, climbing the corporate ladder but still have time to make cupcakes for PTA events. Women whose children and home are always perfectly accessorized and neat. Women who set up play dates at Starbucks to discuss how they know the secret to having the smartest, most psychologically well adjusted kid who will grow up to be the richest most successful whatever they want to be. Of course, working moms aren’t the only piece of the puzzle. Let us please not forget the women who stay at home with their children. They are also just super, aren’t they. Looking down their noses at the working women, tsk tsking at how sad it is for those poor kids who must be shipped off to daycare everyday while mommy brings home the bacon. How awful for those children who do not have the opportunity to participate in all the enriching activities that are only available between the hours of 8 and 5, M-F. How neglected and sad. These poor children who will grow up into damaged adults unable to fully trust and love due to the neglectful behavior of their selfish mothers.
You know what I think? Lucky for you, I am going to spend this week telling you. Aren’t you so excited?

About Me

You know, I think everyone should write an “about me” statement every five years. I would really like to see what I was all about five years ago, ten years ago, or even just last year because it really seems to me that I am pretty clueless when it comes to knowing who I am at all. I think it would benefit me to have someone who isn’t me tell me something about me. I could use a starting point.

Life's a Female Dog in Heat, and Then You Wonder Is it Ever Going to End Already?

I have been really unmotivated lately, and when I say lately, I mean for like the last three years. I am just not really down with the whole "life" thing. I have decided that I don't really like people. They kind of annoy me. Not you people though, I mean, you people are cool. I mean why else would you be here reading my blog if you weren't. Maybe you were just really bored and happened to be googling Sex and the 12 Year Old and that's how you ended up here, which by the way, makes you really uncool in my book, you should probably leave now. I really need to pull myself out of this funk. I was thinking at the beginning of the month I would do a post a day in May because it's all rhymey and crap, but then I couldn't even commit to doing that because everyday I would sit in front of my monitor and stare at the little button that says "New Post" and be all like "Screw you New Post button, I hate you!" That was when I knew that I might want to look into some Zoloft or Abilify, but I don't believe in meds, so then I turned to coffee which just made me really antsy and angry, so then there was food, because gaining 20 pounds is just like taking an anti depressent. And then I realized, I am only halfway through my life and really started wishing that the next time I went to Target I could just pick up a new life by the latest big name designer who has sold their line to Target recently. I would like a Cynthia Rowley life please. But while I am here, I may as well pick up a Liberty of London alter ego, you know, just in case.

No Fumar

I have a terrible, nasty habit that I have been trying to quit for a long time. When I decided that I would kick the habit on May 1st, 2010, I made a list of other things that need to go. I didn’t realize I had so many addictions until I started making the list:

1. Smoking
2. Caffeine
3. Food
4. T.V.
5. Facebook
6. Nail biting

I mean really, all that’s missing are pornography, alcohol and drugs. I had no idea I was on such a downward spiral. I need an intervention. Actually, an intervention was probably what God had in mind when he sent the Mormon missionaries to my house. One day I will have to tell you a story. Not today though, today is about dealing with my horrible secrets.

Smoking has to be dealt with first. Head on, cold turkey. I don’t even know why I smoke. It’s not something I particularly enjoy, what with the smell, the cost, and oh yeah, the DEATH. You would think a shortened life span would be good enough deterrent to avoid just about anything, but sadly, I scoff in the face of death one puff at a time.

I like to think of myself as a “clean” smoker. Never in the house or the car. Only outside and never around other people. Unless they are smoking too. I avoid doing it in the direct path of an entry door, because I am considerate too. Oh yes, I give myself mad props for being such an awesome smoker. I bet you wish all smokers were as awesome as me. Oh wait, you probably wish people would just stop smoking all together. Understandable, I am totally in agreement with you. This does not change the fact that I have a particularly hard time letting the habit go. That’s why it’s called an addiction people!

Those Who Inspire and Don't Even Know It!

http://nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/2005/09/change-has-come.html. Start at the beginning, go on a journey. You won't be sorry.

A Simple Kind of Life

I dream of a simple life. The kind of life where I stay home and have lots of babies, do laundry, clean the house, make dinner for my husband who works oh so hard during the day. I like the idea of doing community service projects, being well liked by the Ladies Auxiliary and president of the PTA. I would like to have a carefree spring in my step and and think to myself "I love this beautiful, simple life!" All of this could be possible except for a few tiny, small, insignificant details.

First, I happen to be very loud and opinionated. I never take anything at face value. There is always an ulterior motive and I will make a point to try to figure out what it is. A loud, opinionated housewife. Who ever heard of such a thing? Also, I get angry at a lot of things. Society, government, my neighbor, the person in the minivan who did not yield at the sign clearly stated “YIELD”. I would like to be indifferent to the plight of the world, but I feel it is my duty as a human being to make the world a better place. This mostly revolves around people doing things my way or at the very least listening to me lay out the pros and cons of why my way is the right way and theirs is wrong.

Second, I have very little patience. I like to have an agenda, meet that agenda and move on the the next item of business. Please stop dilly-dallying on my time thank-you-very-much. Very little patience and children just don't seem to go hand-in-hand.

Third, I really don’t like to fold the whites. Socks are my nemeses. By the way, I don't like the word “nemeses”don’t you think the plural of nemesis should be nemesi?

So, while I like the idea of a simple life, the truth is, life by its very nature is complicated.

Please Standby

I received an email today that made me smile. It was from The Story Lady and she said "I miss your blogs". Well thank you Story Lady for reading, I greatly appreciate it!

Unfortunately, reality T.V. is consuming my life. Idol, Loser, Lost. You know, the usual. You know the problem with reality T.V.? It' doesn't go on hiatus. It's like 24-7/365. I do have one question though, when exactly did Jillian Michaels personal trainer become Dr. Michaels, psychiatrist?Very confusing.

Also, can you believe that Ricky Martin is gay? As if. I am completely shocked. There was no possible way to see that one coming.

 Nope, not at all.