A Valentine's Day Po-em

If you loved me

as you profess you do

you would not send red roses to my place of employment.

If you loved me

as you profess you do

you would not buy me a card

versed with the sentiment

of generic prose.

If you loved me

as you profess you do

I would not come home

To a rose petal
T
R
A
I
L

that leads to the bedroom.

If you love me

and you say you do

you would instead

leave seventy-five dollars
in cash
on the kitchen table.

Wine in A Box

Wine in a box. Making a comeback? Perhaps.

Fish Eye is making a hard sell, touting it as the oak barrel of today. When I think about wine in a box, I think of 1983, hot tub parties, Virginia Slims and my mom. Yes, my mom. Who drank wine from a box, smoked Virginia Slims along with all her friends, in 1983, having hot tub parties.

Of course, right about now, you must be thinking my childhood was akin to that of a pre Jenna Jameson porn world where pizza and pool guys got lucky at the mere ring of the doorbell. But, alas, that's not true. Think more along the lines of tree hugging hippiedom and being one with nature.

So, back to wine in a box. Will it ever be cool? Hip? Trendy? Classy? I have read that screw top wine bottles are replacing the cork, as the screw top maintains a fresher wine. I can try wine in a box, but I draw the line at screw top a la Strawberry Hill, bottles. Which by the way, I know you have a story about , so you need to spill. My story is deeply disturbing and brings on my gag reflex, so I will save it for another day.

Where was I? Oh yes, boxes, wine, hippies. The point? None, I just wanted to see if you would buy it. So, would you?

For the record, my mom was only 25 in 1983, so cut her some slack will ya.

ANTM

I made a realization today while at the gym. I had forgotten my Ipod and only had headphones in my car, so I plugged into the T.V. so graciously provided by my friends at la gym.

The channel was Vh1, the show was America's Next Top Model, the trap was laid.

I became so engrossed in ANTM that I was on the treadmill for 30 extra minutes. Oh, the drama, oh, the fashion, oh, the....Tyra?

Much like a drug addiction begins, first socially, only with friends, then an aching need to get high, then sneaking around behind everyone's back to get your fix.

I figured I had better just come out now and say, "Hi, my name is Jayne, and I watch America's Next Top Model", before I found myself setting up the DVR to record every episode. (First run and repeats please)

My husband did stage an intervention as soon as I got home and told him about my new found euphoria with reality T.V. He immediately switched to "Dirty Jobs", oh, that Mike Rowe. I heart him.

I think I may have a problem.

Sex and the 12 Year Old

I have always been an advocate for personal choice. Humans should be entitled to certain inalienable rights. I also believe that it's impossible for a person to do the right thing if they have never been taught the right way. I also suppose that the "right thing" is a matter of perception. However, I am extremely disturbed by a Portland Maine middle school's decision to offer birth control to sixth graders.

Is it the fact that 12 year olds are having sex that bothers me? No. The things that bother me are that parent's aren't involved enough in their children's lives to know that they are having sex in the first place.

The issue at hand is not necessarily that children are having sex, but that parent's let their children run amuck (amuck, amuck, amuck) in the first place. Part of parental responsibility is have open lines of communication so that your children can come to you with questions and draw on your life experience.

Perhaps if parent's were more involved in raising their children, instead of over indulging them, some of the issues we see in today's world would be non-existent. I know, I know, I vocalize my dissatisfaction with parenting regularly. I just feel so strongly that children are a product of their environment, which begins in the home.

Anyway, all I am saying is that should a school be providing birth control without parental consent , probably not. But they are and the best way to counteract that is to make sure as a parent you have raised your children to share your personal moral beliefs so that they can make the right decision or come to you first to discuss the decisions they are about to make. Monitor your children. Know where they are, who they are with and what they are doing. I don't understand why that's so difficult to do.

And, I Ponder

After a long and decidedly lazy vacation from employment, I begin my assimilation into the working world once more, I stop to ponder these things.

Why is it that in all Sci-Fi material people wear stiff clothing and have outrageous hair that requires at least two tubes of Paul Mitchell hair gel and a half a can of super hold hair spray? I like to think that as we progress into the future, we will become more organic, allowing our locks to grow long and flowy while living off the fruits of the earth and weaving our own materials into clothing. Why must we always progress toward technology and latex? I consider that a set back.

Fall has finally arrived in my part of the country. I was beginning to suffer from PFSOSS. (pretty frickin' sick of summer syndrome) Unlike those people who need a dose of Cymbalta during the winter (because WHO does depression hurt?) I become deliriously unhappy when the summer seems to have no end. I need the chilly air to fill my lungs and to partake of the aromas that fall and winter bring. These things make me happy. No, they make me downright giddy. Now that time is here and I can be happy once more.

I am no longer going to deny my love for polka dots and pretty bows. I don't care what anyone says.

Is it safe to remove the "private" from my profile now that I have a job or should I wait a few more weeks so that my new co-workers don't find out I am a freak prematurely?

I really wish guys would place a greater value on intelligence as opposed to big boobs. I am also really glad to possess both attributes.

Will You Be My Friend?

Have you ever not said the things that need to be said for so long, that when it is time to express yourself in words, you realize you don't even have the words that need to be said?

Yup, that's about where I am right now. A little wordless.

A few things I am craving right now:

Passion

Creativity

Fun

A soul mate (no, you do not need to remind me that I am married)

I don't need a soul mate in the husband sense, I need a friend, who lives close to me who understands my insanity. It seems, although I stongly disagree, that I am strange and a little "out there". Thus, making it very difficult for me to make and keep friends.

Well crap, I just don't know what to say to that.

Will you move here and be my friend?

Hello, I'm Enjoying Summer

Well, hello there. How have you been? Me? I have been alright, you know, just enjoying my summer doing things like going to the water park, the beach, "thrifting", my new favorite pasttime. I have become a gargage sell/thriftstore junkie. As if I don't have a million little things hanging around my house already, I have to go and buy more cutie pie nick nacks to take up space.

Most often, I sell them on Ebay because they are not near as cute when I get home as they were sitting in someone's driveway on a blanket. Something about a blanket just makes everything cuter. Think babies if you will.

Oh, and I am unemployed. It's nice, I needed the vacation. For more on that story please visit this link. It will tell you all you need to know, if you care to know. Short version, not last week, but the week before, I was working, all happy as a clam, when I was told to pack my stuff and not to return. Me and about 7,500 other people. Very Enron -y situation. I'm not bitter though, I had been thinking about a career change anyhow.

I have been puttering around the house on some days, feeling very housewifey. Doing chores, ironing clothes, scrubbing floors. Strangely, I like the feeling. Not typically one to go all Holly Homemaker, it has been a nice change from corporate life.

Now that summer is winding down, I am looking forward to going home to Reno in September. There are things about that place that insight a tremendous amount of joy. I am not sure what it is, family, friends, scenery, all of the above, I just love that little ole town. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.